Once a Queen, always a Queen
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After going through different experience with different people, it seems to me that perspective can change one way or another. Whether it is good or bad, it allows you to perceive things, makes you expect more, want more, desire more. Sometimes I ask myself if it is good to have expectations. You meet someone for the first time, you let your guard down a little, be humble a little, speak out your desires a little just to test the boat. You get what you want, your partner delivers, from then on, you expect nothing less than what they gave you the first time around. It’s only natural to feel this way no? It’s exciting to have that fresh feeling—a new adventure, a new connection. You start building up to something you both can explore whilst having fun together. We crave for connections, to feel that chemistry, to gain acknowledgement and have the partner(s) agree with what you enjoy. You begin to explore your boundaries, try things out and see what works and what doesn’t. The expectation of it happening again strengthens as you lockdown on a connection. The desire for something different again consumes you. Whether it is a new partner , a new accessory , a new roleplay or just a change of environment. Nonetheless, you just want something new, that kick or itch for something unexpected. At times, this nostalgic feeling may feed your desires. It excites you because you want to re-visit that moment of arousement you’ve once had and wonder if you can do more than just revisiting. Should you revisit ? Should you recreate ? Or should you be innovative and try and go beyond what your expectations are and just go past that “stop” line. Years pass and I am going down on memory lane. Retrospect of old times, old connections and suddenly it comes pouring into me. Like a little girl waiting for her lollipop she had once tried. You revisit and expect it to be how it’s like once before. The same connection, the same thrill that leaves tickling feeling all over your body as you’re being touched. You expect the same amount of wetness while reminiscing old times. Soon you realise not only have you changed, but also the whole situation, the people, the mindsets—they’ve all changed. What you once expected has somehow give you a peculiar feeling and leaves you wondering —what happened? When people ask me what my kink is, I tend to say I enjoy receiving pain as much as giving. Back in the days where I was still a little duckling looking to explore the big blue sea, I enjoy the pain—to a certain extent. Not the pinch, not the bites, just the slaps on my cherry blossom. Someone once told me that I do not enjoy the pain itself, rather it was the process of getting to that endpoint. The mental process. Start with the sensory deprivation—you lose your sight (blindfolded). Your other senses heightens and that unknown feeling of what’s coming ahead excites you. What intrigues me is not the act of inflicting pain itself —well to some degree yes , but more importantly is what the effect it gives to my partner. Meeting someone new and learning about their fetish captivates my thirst for arousement. When it comes to foot fetish, I’m always wondering why people get off from it. What aspect , what part , to what limit? Talking about it is how one can learn and gain new insights. The “sure, can do” attitude allows one to explore more and sometimes you tend to get an element of surprise, thinking to yourself —“oh? That’s different and I’m liking it” With foot fetish, it doesn’t sound too provoking to me at first. In a way, it doesn’t do much for me sexually I thought. Thinking —oh just some pervert licking and sucking your toes-rather you may just feel appalled by it. The “sure, let’s try” attitude is helpful In these situations. Keeping an open mind makes it more fun. As expected, taking a risk and going for it resulted in an unexpected outcome. I find myself searching for more, chasing that moment of surprise that leaves me eagerly wanting more. Of course, there is still some hesitation. Is that what addiction is? That compulsive engagement to a stimuli which leaves me yearning for more. The whole process is very appealing because it continues to answer to my curiosity. What makes a person love a specific thing,object,scenario? I want to dig deeper, see what they see, feel what they feel. S. urprise B. ewilderment C. hange It continues to surprise me by keeping an open mind. Shifting attitudes bewilders me Without change, there will be no improvment. So little minions… what can you provide for the Queen?
